One Blessed Baby

On Mothers' Day, I was a wreck. A hot mess. Rob and I spent that weekend at the beach for a mini-getaway we had won as a 5K door prize. It was a rainy weekend, which was lovely because all we did was lay around and watch movies - the perfect beach activity for a woman as fair-skinned as myself!

I woke up that Sunday morning basically already in tears. I knew I would be emotional, because weeks earlier I was at work choosing books to read for our special Mothers' Day story time, and I couldn't keep it together. I even had to ask my co-worker to take over that week and read for me. Something about being a mom is just so sweet and so overwhelming at the same time! Rob and I were thrilled when we learned we were expecting.. certainly a blessing we had prayed about for months. But it's still so unreal and emotional when you think about what you're really doing. We're bringing life into this world,  that we made together, and it's our responsibility to set good examples and lead our children in the right direction. Horrifying and amazing at the same time.

I got out of bed because I was afraid my sobbing would wake Rob. I walked out on the balcony with my James Patterson book hoping it would distract me from my crazy. It didn't. I sat there staring out at the ocean, completely in awe of everything God is capable of. He put all this together. He designed everything I was looking at, and everything I was going through. He gave us the ultimate gift - the responsibility of being parents. I cried for probably a solid hour. Rob finally woke up on one of my several trips inside for more snot rags.

He, of course made me feel at ease and completely safe. He just knows how to do that.

That's why I cannot even wrap my mind around how blessed I (and our baby) am. He's going to make such a fantastic daddy. The first man to teach Baby L what love is. I seriously could not have a better partner in life. Thanks again, God. He sure knows what He is doing. Happy Fathers' Day!

"Watch to see how I transform trials into blessings"

It's always hard waiting for the anniversary of something sad. Knowing all the emotions will come rushing back - good and bad - is not something I really look forward to. Sometimes it feels like you lost the person yesterday, while other times it feels like it's been forever since you've seen them or just heard them speak.

That's how it feels for me today; like my grandmother went to Heaven years ago. It seems like a lifetime since she passed, maybe because it's something I think about everyday. But thinking about her makes me happy. I wouldn't think about her as often if she didn't leave such an impact on my life.

My devotion this morning was spot-on. God never disappoints and His timing continually amazes me. 

The first sentence began, 'Let Me help you get through this day..." HELLO! It's like He was speaking directly to me. He may as well have said, "Rachel, listen up. Let Me help you get through this day..." I was speechless when I read it. It goes on to say that there will be ups and downs throughout the day and that I need to remember to lean on Him when I'm weak. (Which has been all day, so saddle up, God! Silly me, he already has.) I can't help but feel relief through the sadness, because I serve a God who lifts me up even when I think I can do it myself. He's always there just holding His arms out waiting for me to collapse. For that, I am especially grateful. Then, He wraps it up with, "Watch to see how I transform trials into blessings." That's one serious promise. 

It brings sadness to my heart that she won't be here for the arrival of her first great-grand baby later this year, and I would give just about anything to hear her say "Rachel Suzanne" just one more time. However, it brings joy to hear others in the community say such sweet things about her. She is missed, no doubt. I cannot even count the times I've heard,  "that drive-up window at Buy-Rite Drugs isn't the same." It never will be. 

I've gone throughout the day with one thought keeping me focused. My Mimi is celebrating her new birthday; her entrance into Heaven to spend eternity with the Lord. THAT is something to be celebrated here, too! How comforting it is to know where she is and that she is so loved in the presence of our Creator. I know he is taking such good care of her. 

When every day is "Just a God Thing"

Do you ever have those moments where something crazy or unexpected happens, and you are suddenly and completely overwhelmed by God's presence? When you just sit back and say, "that was a God thing." That's our life.

My husband, Rob, and I met during our very first college class - English 1101 - in 2007. We'd just graduated high school and were both in a relationship with other people. When we locked eyes that day, everything changed. Instantly. It sounds totally cliché and slightly absurd. But I swear it's true.

I was desperately looking for a way out of the toxic relationship I was in, and Rob's life at home was about to change drastically. We were meant to cross paths, and I know God put us in the same room that nerve-racking day to show us we were made for one another. We needed each other, and that would become more and more evident as our relationship progressed. 

Within a week, our previous relationships ended and we began officially "dating." Everything escalated so quickly that before I knew it, this man I met two years earlier was following me to college - even though he had his heart set on a different school and a different plan. He still swears to this day that he didn't "follow me" there. He just changed his mind completely about what he wanted to do. Sure, Robert. 

So we begin our journey at a new school together. The sorority formals, fundraisers, those midnight trips to Taco Bell because you're roommates are hungry - I sure am thankful he was there for all of that. It would not have been the same if he hadn't followed me and my dreams. That's exactly what he did - he went where I wanted to go because I knew what I wanted to do for the rest of my life. I wanted to work in the media (I know, right? What was I thinking?) This man who loves me whole-heartedly put aside what he wanted, so that he could stand beside me and support me while I pursued my dream. Shortly after school started, I got a job working for the college TV station as Student News Director. It was seriously the best college gig ever. You got to meet cool people for cool stories, and of course - be on TV. Everything was going according to plan. I would graduate with a degree in Broadcast Journalism in December of 2011, and work in the news business.

Rob on the other hand had a change of heart during his college education. He decided his major of geomatics wasn't what he really wanted to do for the rest of his life. His dream now - law enforcement. His future - my nightmare. My husband has always had a heart that serves others. He worked as a firefighter when we met at junior college, and earned his EMT license while we were in college so that he could pay his way through school. He's extremely motivated and so driven to reach his goals - literally the ideal person you want standing beside you for the rest of your life. 

So he earned his degree in Criminal Justice and graduated one semester before me - Summer 2011. During that summer, he interned with the Sheriff's office back home and finished his classes online. That was the beginning of his career in law enforcement. It all began when he worked with Investigators that long summer. I was always nervous - it's a dangerous job, right? But honestly, how often do bad things happen around where we live? I shouldn't worry too much; nothing like that could ever happen to us. Right? Wrong.

After graduating in December, I took a job as an Associate Producer with an ABC affiliate near home. I enjoyed it - writing stories for newscasts, editing video. It was great. While I was starting my big-girl world, my husband-to-be was off at the Police Academy. He would start patrol the day after he graduated from APOST. I was a WRECK. Those that know me know that when I'm stressed or anxious - I'm a baking fool. I baked everything - cookies, cakes, pies, even new crazy recipes for stuff no one has even heard of. I was out of control, so much so that my coworkers (reporters) told me to stop because they were scared of looking fat on-air. Their solution? “Bring a veggie tray next time.” Because those are fun? Talk about a hot mess.

But he did it! Graduated from the Academy and hit the streets with a veteran deputy to learn the ropes. On May 25, 2012, he went on patrol on his own. Completely solo. A rookie blue on the streets in the busiest area in the county. Here goes nothing. 

Neither of us had any idea how much his profession would affect our everyday lives. It takes a special person to work in law enforcement, and my husband is definitely that person, but it's still a HUGE adjustment. Huge. Not to mention that we were basically career enemies - law enforcement and the media don't mix. In a few short months we would realize just how bad it could be. 

Rob and I tied the knot in July 2012 - the best and happiest day of our lives. We spent the following week in Jamaica with not a care in the world. 

Four months later, I found myself on the phone with my frantic new husband who was trying his hardest to explain what had just happened at work. When I wasn't working at the TV station, I helped out a friend's mom part-time at a local boutique. It was black Friday. I had gotten off work that afternoon - exhausted - and headed home. While driving, the strangest feeling washed over me. It was a nauseous/anxious/scared/butterflies in your stomach kind of moment. I had no idea why, and assumed I was just tired from being at work since 5 a.m., plus all the coffee sliding through my veins.

Less than an hour later, my husband (who had been at work all day, too, and should be home soon) sent me a text. "I'm ok. Love you. Don't talk to anyone. Go to your mom and dad's. Shooting."

What? I immediately thought there must have been a shooting somewhere and the shooter was on the loose - that's why he wants me to be careful and not talk to strangers, and go to my parents' house. 

My mind and heart started racing. I didn't go to my parents' house since it was about 45 minutes away. For some reason my gut – and my mom - told me to stay put. (She always knows what to do. But HOW?!) Thank goodness. My husband called me shortly there after, which felt like an eternity. On the other end of the phone was my almost-worst nightmare. He was involved in a shooting. Two deputies there with him had been shot - one critically - and my husband had to return fire on the man who shot his co-workers. It was by far the scariest moment of my life. Was it really happening? Couldn't be - no way. Not here. Not us. 

I arrived on the scene and was immediately whisked into a Mobile Command Unit to find my husband in shock, terrified, and shaking from head to toe. I'd never seen anything like it, and I pray each and every day that I never have to again. 

One of the deputies passed away from his injuries, the other returned to work in June 2013 after multiple surgeries. It's a tragedy you cannot go one day without thinking about. It changed our lives forever, and changed our relationship temporarily. Everything was a struggle. Going to church, making a grocery list, falling asleep at night - we couldn't do anything without our communication suffering. It was something I, as his wife, would have to be extra patient about.

During all of the debriefings, counseling sessions, and funeral ceremonies, I realized this - I was not cut out for my dream of working in the news business. There's something about seeing yourself and your husband on local television, mourning the loss of a great friend. When tragedy strikes, all you want to do sometimes is lay low. Disappear for a minute, just be alone. But the media won't let that happen. Don't get me wrong - I'm not a media basher like some folks. I know they're just doing their jobs. But I couldn't see myself doing that job. Intruding on the intimate moment when you're forced to say goodbye to someone who left this earth far too soon. It's just not me. That's why I changed career paths completely. I now work for a city Library, where I get to help people and work with children. That's what I was called to do, and after months and months of prayers, God showed me where I needed to be. Right where I am now. And I’m doing what God wants me to do while I support Rob and his dream. It’s funny how things work out, isn’t it. God definitely has a sense of humor.

I've never in my life prayed as hard as I have within the past year. Somehow my husband, who came within inches of losing his life, walked away from a welfare check gone wrong completely unhurt. How? Prayer. "It was just a God thing." 

When he started his extra-dangerous career, we grew greatly in our relationship with the Lord. It was already a great one, but now, it's even better - and for that, I am eternally grateful. I thank God every day for bringing him home that day. And Rob and I pray together each day that he will come home again. 

One of the lessons I learned from this whole situation - also one of the things I wish I could shout at other LEO wives – love him anyway. Just love him. So he left his boots in the living room and you tripped. He forgot to take the trash out because night shift got the best of him and he fell asleep. Or he hasn’t done anything you’ve asked him to do all week. Love him anyway. Do you think he would strap a bullet proof vest on, put the gun on his belt and kiss you goodbye every single day if he didn’t have to? I love a man who does what’s best for his family. I also love a man who does what he loves.. and a law enforcement officer must love what he does to do it each and every day.

Love him anyway. That’s all he needs.